Snot Patrol

The secret to being sick for this long is snot control. Too much and you can’t think because your head’s about to explode. Too thick and you’ll go blind trying to blow your nose. Too thin and you’ll rupture a disc in your back sneezing all day. too little and your boogers will dry into hard little concretions in the back of your throat throwing you into gagging coughing fits all night.

The secrets:

1) Decongestant…just enough slow down the onslaught, but not too much to dry up the flow completely

2) Antihistame…only when rivers of snot trickle out your nose and drip onto your upper lip, otherwise, it gets too thick and gummy and makes you miserable.

3) Fluids…I used to think that the whole “hydration” issue was to prevent cardiovascular collapse and renal failure. But last night I had an epiphany…if you’re not hydrated well, the boogers stuck in the back of your nasopharynx will drive you insane. Drink until your boogers run nicely.

4) Family sized box of tissues with moisturizer. No matter how cheap Scott’s toilet paper tissues are, your nose will thank you for spending $3.00 on a box of tissues.

Two warm kitty cats on your bed help as well.

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