Floods. Gamers Guide, Part III

You never know when you might encounter a FLOOD in OB. And like Noah, building his ark, you must begin collecting your SUPPLIES and building your PROTECTION early in the rotation. FLOODS can take the form of any LIQUID that may be encountered in the OB/Gyn Ward, including, but not limited to BLOOD, AMNIOTIC Fluid, URINE or GASTRIC CONTENTS. Start building your DEFENSE by a quick trip to the OR SCRUB room and snag a pair of BOOTIES and MOON BOOTS. Don’t put them on yet, you don’t want to blow your cover. Store them in a PATIENT room that is close to COMPLETE EFFACEMENT & DILATION. When you see other residents begin the migration towards the floodgates, prepare first with MASK and FACE SHIELD. You never know when the FLOOD may strike and you want to protect vital ORGANS first! Only then proceed with previously stashed MOON BOOTS, and finally, if they havn’t DELIVERED without you yet, apply GOWN and GLOVES. Equipped thusly, you can withstand any onslaught of BODY FLUIDS that the next OB patient will dream up in their misery.

When the FLOOD strikes, stand tall and proud, you are now INVINCIBLE! For BONUS points, if you carry COLLECTION TUBES or URINE CUPS on your person, you may get lucky and fill one or two before you are overwhelmed by the FLOOD, thereby saving your RESIDENT a step during the delivery. INVINCIBILITY will get you a free upgrade towards fulfilling the native ob/gyn resident’s impression of you as a WORTHLESS-OFF-SERVICE-ROTATOR. Revel in the accomplishment as you are on your way to USELESSNESS, the supreme OBJECTIVE of this WORLD.

BONUS points can be traded for a nightime POWER NAP while on CALL or sometimes a MEAL. Each CALL night, by the way, decreases your overall CHARACTER score by 20 FIBRONECTIN UNITS, so use them cautiously. You may get lucky and snag a VAGINAL DELIVERY while on call, but more likely, you will be conned into first trading in your BONUS points for a POWER NAP, missing the VAGINAL DELIVERY you’ve been plotting and scheming all day, and by the end of the month, your CHARACTER score will be close to NULL.

You’ve been doing great so far, and I will continue to guide you through this difficult game level. Stay strong, fellow gamer!

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