This past 2 months has been a LONG two months of ups and downs, frustration & doubt and small nearly imperceptible successes on a day by day basis.
I’m far far far from where I expected to be at the end of April 2015, but then again many things have happened that I didn’t plan on.
Comparing where I WANT to be with where I AM is a huge source of frustration and anxiety for me. Not only physically (strength) wise, but also activity, yard work, personal projects, a book I’m co-writing, time and attention to my athletes, spring flowers, spring cleaning and the list goes on…
I don’t have this figured out by any means, but I know there is definitely some learning in here somewhere. I’ve ben listening to (and following along) with a lot of meditation podcasts (my favorite being ‘meditation-minis’) and the common theme that I’m picking up has to do with letting things go, setting things aside, putting things behind me, being OK with where (and who) I am now.
Part of me wishes I’d started a journal when this accident happened because I’ve been through so many ups and downs, but I don’t think I’d have enough time in a day to put all my thoughts down in words. I’ve just decided to absorb it all one day at a time and be the me that emerges each day when I open my eyes.
Some times it’s not who I wanted to be, but there’s not a lot I can do about that. I’m thankful for the sun, friends & athletes with patience, a caring boyfriend that knows how to wash dishes and do laundry, kitties that keep me cozy and warm and a big park to take walks in and decompress and think. Or not think.
And hopefully I’m done with viral respiratory illnesses for another year or two…what a setback this past week as been. So frustrating.